What will Your 90 Year Old Self Tell You Today??

I didn’t expect that that I will get into this journey and here it goes;

I am on a self-discovery/development path and never have I been more lonely. Not even when I was back in Okinawa, staring out into the ocean, tearing up as I eat my delicious breakfast in the empty cafe (back then I was filled with awe and gratitude).

Indeed I was learning and leaping more than ever, and I absolutely LOVE it but there it is, at times, you are just by yourself.

Today I was in the bookstore and those which used to tickle my fancy were mere just-another-book. I guess I have moved into really running my own race and defined my own success. All the general liking towards everything and whatnot had thus weaned.

Really excited about how these will unfold at the end although I dislike the part about having to do these alone. Maybe like the boy in the Alchemist, what I sought was always in my backyard, but still the exploring is needed.

So, revisiting Prof Rao’s class today, we were asked, “What would your wise 90 year old self tell you now?”

Cliche as it is, my answer was, CHERISH THE NOW. Go to Okinawa NOW. MARRY THAT NAOTO GUY. HUG HIM MORE THAN NECESSARY. EVEN WHEN IT GETS EMBARRASSING.

Of coz we need to get our education, we need to strive in our work. But at the end of the day, what really will twang our souls are the friends and family around us. The other day I was ready to unleash as bunch of stuff to Morgan Sensei.

Then it hit me, Yuxing, clear your own energy. Don’t pour what you yourself don’t like onto an uncle who dotes on you so much. Morgan Sensei goes on a religious trip a month or two every year. He bought back some little gifts and guess what, I HAVE THE GRAND HONOUR TO BE IN HIS GIFTING LIST. I almost cried my eyes raw last night when I realised it. I think Morgan Sensei can still sense what happened, but I am glad that our conversation maintained a positive vibe.

Another person I pledged not to burden is Chu. I don’t know how she loves me. Being girly bffs, I literally used to message her a bunch of my own junk. And then happily went away to drool at Naoto. Bcoz of this old behaviour, I am glad that I had no friends. No one deserves such treatment.

AND NOW!!! My 32nd birthday present which came exactly 11 months earlier.

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Form Chu. She is from America. And the postage was almost a whopping USD$70. Upon seeing that I really wish that she hadn’t sent me this gift. But it is one of the most hurtful thing to tell a person that they shouldn’t have.

If you are reading this Chu, we should totally find a way. Like I just get things for you on for example Amazon US, have them send locally. And vice versa, a website for Singapore. BUT THEN!! Precisely I am sending her all the SG-ONLY stuff you see, and her to me items only from America.

I am crying since the start of this post. I am not trying to be funny when I say that I have no friends. But in the most miraculous way the Kami Samas gift me people as gorgeous as Chu and Morgan Sensei. I cannot, comprehend. And not forgetting that Okinawa is always calling out to me. I MUST HAVE A LIFETIME THERE.

Now, present opening time.

This sounds wayyyy over the top and of coz I will  unashamedly cling onto Chu and declare that she is a bff, I must also say that Xingible don’t deserve her.

As you read on, you will see how wonderfully generous and open this woman is to me and here I am feeling lonely and whiny just because I am on some self-development journey.

Chu and I have this Art Project going on. Just creating things. Usually a drawn piece but Chu is awesome, she made furniture, stitch work and all. And her “casual” painting is good for a gallery display.

So!! She bought me a charcoal set. It is a medium I never used. I mean seriously Chu, how is that you can have faith in me?? It is a really good feeling to get trusted by someone. Psychologically, it really do us good.

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One thing that squeezed at my  heart was, Chu actually wrapped all the presents. ;__; and the inside of the box so it will look good. The last time I sent her things, I put all in a box and maybe casually ziplock bagged them.

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WHY DID CHU LOVE ME SO MUCH. WHY.

REALLY.

I don’t mean this in a self-depreciating way or I secretly hate myself, just why such a lovely lady can extend her love to someone like me. CHU!! You must have been one of my royal generals when I was a Ryukyuan Prince.

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Do you guy know that Chu specially bought these cute tapes to seal the box? She didn’t tell me but I am psychic. I was crying as I cut through them to open the box.

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I think Chu is spying on me too. HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I WANT CANVAS. TELL ME.

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A printed letter. Reading it again will make me cry again.

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Everything was placed in a card so it wouldn’t gets squished.

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Because I am an ass, Chu, the ribbons got squished, do a better job next time. ;___;

*cries*

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AGAIN. HOW DID YOU KNOW I WANT SOME HAND WORK CRAFTS?! Tell me you are not reading into me head.

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And guess what folks, Chu actually honours me enough to care about my work.

Now, to everyone who wants to be my friend, other than having to agree with me that Ryo is hot, YOU MUST BE AS LOVING AS CHU.

So Chu got me stuff to give to the kids at our schools.

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Really, I am so thankful and grateful that my friends are people with such gigantic hearts. Their love for me can extend to the people around me.

But for now we don’t quite need these in the school. I wonder if I should make Artpeaces out of them.

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And Chu, I am stupid, is this an advance colouring book?? I think I cannot… AND HOW DID YOU KNOW THAT I LIKE VAN GOGH?!!

Seriously, people who gift/give you books are the best people. CHU!!! SURELY SOMEDAY WE WILL DINE AT AN AMERICAN DINNER. And random things. Both Chu and me is 168cm. Tall people are kind.

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Chu even gave me pretty tissues to cry with the book. I started laughing and crying at these.

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I secretly want to try creme eggs since FOREVER. And look at these candies. My heart is sparkling with joy right now.

Starting on my first embroidery. At first I thought it was gonna be a very simple thing. Since the patterns were printed on.

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Then, there were so MANY kind of stitches!! O__O

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Not too bad! My first satin stitch!

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I managed to upload some back dated artpeace to our FB album today and I realised, I totally lost count of them all starting this year. Especially when I am adding in my whiteboard art and Origami and all.

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But look, standing stalk and leaf. Yes. I can sotsugyou (graduate) nao.

And of coz, how can we forget my Japanese lesson???

Got this at a Japanese supermart before class. I think when I start to live and work in Japan for real, I would be in a constant state of awe. Like omg babyyyyyy… I am breathing the Japanese air. Insane.

Yes, I have been then on numerous trips. But to really stay there one day is another thing.

And when I meet Naoto, it will be love at first sight. I am sure.

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Did you guys proud.

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So! Before I knew it, it is my 9th lesson and next week I will make payment for Term 2.

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This is back to my self-development journey. And my Origami art.

Seldom in life do we get a second shot. Ever try to skip steps in Origami? The final product cannot be done right??

As all of you know, I didn’t pass my JLPT N2 for a grand EIGHT times. Although I passed my N4 and N3 (totally skipping N5) at one shot. I am finding myself learning and absorbing better than ever in my current class, although it is designed around the level of N3.

So, it appeared that I somehow got to N2, almost completely not knowing what happened. If not for the recommendation of the N1 teacher at Ikoma, I will just continue failing more N2 test and one day disappear from it all. And at 90, I will always regret that my Japanese learning never got on track.

I am thankful for this opportunity. And who knows how will things turn out.

I can’t wait to meet all of you, my dearest soul friends.

「What will Your 90 Year Old Self Tell You Today??」への2件のフィードバック

  1. We are the most ridiculous people. I have been having the same thoughts as you–I don’t have any real friends, I can’t burden other people with my garbage, blah blah blah blah blah. And then I read this and think “UGH Xingible is a big dummy, of course we love her!” I’ve been feeling so bad for being late with your package because I was trying to make you some hand made things and I kept screwing it up so I just kind of sent your package in disgust of myself for not only being ridiculously late but also and a crafty failure!

    And I’m reading your blog and thinking of how lame I am for letting my website go to crap during all of this time and realized “wouldn’t it be nice to think of ourselves as others think of us?” We are all too hard on ourselves. Maybe that’s why we have such good and REAL friends? ❤

    いいね: 1人

    1. I am torn between really wanting to get things from you (coz I NEED LOVE) and hating that I am making you spend so much. ;___; I hope there is some deal going on for friendship packages. OR THAT I CAN AFFORD MY PRIVATE JET SOON. Morgan Sensei say dream BIG. ROLF, and you be so annoyed that each time I come over it is just for the food or something. But seriously!!!! OMG I am so gonna burden you to bring me around and experience a regular slice of life in the US. It is crazy that I watched so many American movies and read so many books from American authors and yet I haven’t been *near* America. SO CRAZY.

      About not pouring my gunk on people, of coz I am not gonna bottle myself up in a bad way. I learned that in each day, so many things, the good and bad are all begging for our attention. Isn’t it better to say, CHU!! I saw Naoto’s nipples!! Than to waste that time on, say, someone cut my queue?? I have more on that but well, another time!!

      And yeah. I am really lonely. Even when I am surrounded by people. Not that they are unkind. Just that I am needing new energies. These few nights, I wondered, and asked Kami-samas, can there be suddenly some kind of awesome soul friends appear in front of me? Or even just through a FB message or IG message. Like come to me already. What is stopping all these??!?

      YEAAHHHH blog please!! I am secretly panicking, wondering why I don’t receive notification on your blog update. Like did Chu blocked me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xDDD

      And all the awesome people please reach out to us already.

      いいね

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