So!! I was craving for chocolate milk a few days back. By night time, I drank an entire Litre (33.814 oz) of it. In the 2012 Men in Black movie, the Agents craved chocolate milk each time they time traveled.
I really love this movie and watched it in the theatres twice. ❤ ❤
And in a way, I really felt like I have been going back in time to clear all those non-serving things and whatnot of me life. In a science way, it is proposed that a lot of our operating programmes were installed between the ages of 0 to 7. Some suggest since we are formed and in our mothers’ wombs.
And if we took on a mindset of a limited world and all those, we grow up re-living this pattern and all. Fearful to share, fearful to let go and receive more. Bad decision to stick with toxic friends and etc.
And vice versa, if we grow up knowing that there are more in the world for us, we automatically seek bigger pastures and also this get displayed on our values and doings. Ever notice how some folks always managed to find good deals and they are always on a roll? Yet we know that it has to do with their hard work too. ❤
Then of coz there is the spiritual side where, differs among individuals, people experience a whole spectrum of peace and self-discoveries. Good things seem to pop into their realities and while sometimes things are still the same, they can take on everything with a new sense of enlightenment.
For me, life is good. Like the universe is trying to connect with me. Not the other way round. Very crazy. But in a loving way.
And before I get on into my Japanese lesson, I want to talk about how I found forgiveness towards my ex-boss and those/that caught in the tangle.
On Monday, part of my regular Japanese lesson has this pair work where we talk about what we wanted to be when we were kids. And mine was really to be a Kindergarten teacher. Frankly that has a lot to do with me liking Zhang laoshi as person, really not my innate passion. I think somehow my teacher knew that I was one. I had mentioned about Japanese kindergarten curriculums and having off days on the weekDAYs.
So, Ms Abe saw that I wrote “Kindergarten Teacher” on my worksheet. She said something like, “Your dream came true eh.”
It was bittersweet.
Yes and then no.
I have to inject this part in.
Towards the end of my work term I no longer agree with ex-boss on how she does the curriculum. In my opinion, it had already crossed into something unethical. Not in the sense that she is harming anyone in the process, just that I see a discrepancy in her/our/their actual delivery vs what was marketed.
Still, it is all my own opinion. This is non-sue-able right?
And a few cases made me re-evaluate the whole thing about pre-school education. At least for children 4 years of age and below. Also, I am old-school and I strongly believe that a young child needs his/her mother to some extent.
One incident was when I was helping out in the 4 year old class; there was this little angel name Z. And in Z’s class was these 2 boys who has little sense about their behaviours. There is of coz nothing wrong and I actually adore them. However, them being rowdy and using class materials as guns and swords scared Z a lot. Yes, we did watch the boys and even so having Boy 1 suddenly jumping up and roar with his make believe weapon in pure fun and joy is totally unpreventable.
One time Z looked like she was about to cry the whole time and sat with the back of her chair against the wall. I gave her a lot of my attention and finally when Teacher B was playing out police siren, ambulance siren and all those sound for kids to tell what is what, Z looked at me and burst out crying.
She was scared.
Translator S and I comforted her and with S’s kindness, all was resolved quickly. And from that day on, Z has this special liking towards me. ❤
Sweet as it is, I had told my Mum and Chu that the incident actually broke my heart a bit.
I think pre-school education is great. A grand humanity plus, but at the same time, I feel that not always each young child is ready. And the environment and everything contribute to the overall wellness of a child. I really think that being so scared that Z burst out crying in class and needed two grown women to comfort her is not the best path for Z.
Of coz there is no one “wrong” in this whole incident. Everyone involved wanted only the good for Z and something, in my own opinion, not desirable happened.
Now, back to my ex-boss. While pretty much everything she did during my last 2 months of teaching was nothing but bully and in my opinion a dastardly low way to push me to resign, it also seems unlikely that someone her calibre would stoop to that level.
Yesterday Mum and I stopped by MOS Burger after visiting my dear, dear Aunt. I told Mum, back in our temporary office, ex-boss had told me that she once donned on a pretty Kimono and walked the streets of Kyoto, and in her own words, being the “Aunty” she is, no man approached her for photos, and she saw many pretty girls got approached. Another time she went to Tsukiji Market by herself to eat Sushi and Sashimi during a free day from observing classes at the Japanese kindergarten.
My impression of that was a beautiful tall lady going out and about in Japan. Frankly my ex-boss is quite pretty, during her Uni days, she was even signed to a model agency. So, you guys can imagine her standard.
I also remembered her as incredibly zealous about the whole thing. She had introduced to me a current J-drama that talked about prestigious Kindergartens in Japan and all. Also buying foodcourt discount cards for us as we kept paying more and refused to do ourselves the favour. xD
Those times of shopping for gifts to bring to Japan with her. Her treating me her favourite cheese tarts and all those.
If ex-boss had been a jerk since the start, I wouldn’t have spend my off days shopping for class materials and bringing home my curriculum so I can better rehearsal them even on my free time.
This was also my first job where I went in almost early daily bcoz I loved it! I stopped until the abuses came in. I also brought in my own books bcoz I loved it. I enjoyed it.
Maybe the sudden change in attitude towards me was really to prepare for a better new teacher (now the centre is established, perhaps she can get experienced job seekers now) and for reasons I will never know.
Or like I mentioned above, maybe ex-boss san can sense that I no longer agree with her and that I have to go. Maybe.
One thing I learned is, challenges comes into our lives. And at times we can be thrown off our feet, not knowing what to do and tend to get blame-y towards everyone around, including how the government failed us just bcoz there is a slight train delay today. Given how hastily I was asked to go, I totally did no hand over, I am sure that I could be passed a cheque and get told that here is my last day. All the dramas and whatnot could be saved.
With how I was excluded from everything to how another colleague was basically doing all my work till she starting hating me and went around implying that I cannot English, I really see no way I could contribute anymore. And yeah, this was the one thing ex-boss san told me that she is mad about me, that I was not joining in the interpersonal whatnots in a “professional” environment. I can only think that either ex-boss lost it and went all out to make me feel bad, or tragically she is oblivious to all that happening.
Back to me telling Mum about ex-boss’s Kyoto’s Kimono.
For some strange reason my resentment just melted away. It is like I can truly say that I found forgiveness towards all that happened. Including that no one bought me even a cup of Bubble Tea on my last week. F you ALL though!! xD
I remember in another of my old workplace, the blood sister of the boss tried to screw her and it escalated into a court case.
My seniors then said this, during tough times we see the true essences of a person.
My future route.
I still love to teach, and it will be about languages and older students this round.
Also, this sudden break has left me entirely opened towards what I really want to do in life. Of coz I know money needs to come in, right now I am still thinking about my next move. SO KAMI SAMA, PLEASE GIVE ME MY LIFE PURPOSE NOW. I am open to receive.
Thankfully it is not like I am stressed out or what. I am really enjoying the time with my Mum. Like one time she placed the bear plushie on her piles of clothes and I told her that the bear kun is sniffing her undies. She almost died from my semi-pervy joke.
Also, even my Dad said that I put on weight. I can no longer redeem myself. x’D
Now, now, now, finally after since forever I am in a JLPT preparatory class. Chu asked me how was it and my reply was… SMELLS LIKE JAPAN.
Apparently Chu understands me and she is still my friend after I told her that I saw Naoto in my dreams and he told me that my happiness lies in going to Okinawa and marry him. If I am in Chu’s shoes, I don’t know if I can do what Chu does.
I win big times in life just by having a friend like her. NO ONE CAN CALL ME FRIENDLESS NOW. >=)
So, so, so~~~ my teacher is a bright, energetic and totally classy beauty. Like she so darn graceful even her speaking out loud (to demonstrate what “yelling” is, new word we learned) is music to the ears and she is so cute even her writing is small and adorable.
HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?!
Interestingly she is from the Shikoku and there is famous for a 88 shrine pilgrimage and UDON. I totally need to go there. I totally need to go to Japan and visit all 47 prefectures. ❤
And crazy!! I was nervous for my first class. It felt like attending my first class in University and it felt really special because this round I have a goal to hit. And that was passing my N2 test.
Mum said that she would make me a card saying “You failed.” should I fail again on my 10th time.
Speaking of which, I don’t know what good Karma I planted. Other than Chu, I also got another older lady friend (used to be from Okinawa!!) telling me that my Japanese is good. You know, good energy is everything.
I might just score full marks for N2 and bump into Naoto. And he falls in love with me. Then I would have to deal with my new found language ability and how is it that such a cute and innocent guy can like a person as cute as me. These thoughts are happy yet a little overwhelming. :3
So cute!! My kokoro flutters. ❤
Back to Prep Class.
Right after our self introductions, we have a mini test. I DID A SELF-INTRODUCTION IN JAPANESE, I DID YOU GUYS PROUD.
We are giving a 5,000 word mini dictionary and that it is ONLY the basic to N2. Basics! Just the basic!
And right now I am doing 100 words per day. Got tedious so I just pick all the unfamiliar words from a 100 word list per day.
Sensei gave pencils for practicing shading the answer sheets. SUGOI-ly thoughtful. ❤
Homework form my regular work.
It feels really, really, REALLY good to be in all these classes. ❤ I love life, love you and of coz Okinawa.
I will be back soon. ❤ ❤ ❤